Writing Gooder

Dude… this is one of the most amazing things I have ever seen:

Dancing Walrus

Nate, I confess, this started all because I wanted to prank you. I saw that one thread in the mod forum (you know the one) and instead of being a nice human being and comforting you, I had the craziest urge to give you the biggest prank that I think YWS has ever seen. The plan? To fill up your PM box with thank you notes from all of YWS. 

Consider yourself lucky that I talked with Meshugenah first. She dissuaded me from this idea and we came up with another plan, a better plan. We would PM all the active members from YWS that we could grab and tell them to write a thank you note and send it to me, so that way, I would get stuck with all the thank you notes. And then we would show it to you, at once, so we could completely overwhelm you. A good prank? Maybe. We code named it “Project Awesome.” 

But it’s not completely my fault, honest. It’s the whole site’s fault. Yes, I had a crazy idea, but the idea caught on fire. Several people, when they first got my PM, demanded to help me and made sure I never slacked off. In the first five days, I received nearly a hundred replies and thank you notes for you. And not just from established members either–I was astonished how many wonderful notes that I got from newbies, who I thought would simply ignore my PM. Boy, was I wrong. 

Nate, nobody once said this was a terrible idea. Often for the topic of the PM they sent me back, they changed it to, “Great idea!” Or, if they didn’t do this, they simply told me, “Great idea!” in the actual private message. As Layleun put it, “When Project Awesome was launched I literally yelped with joy and danced around the room because Snoink finally thought of a way we could help you!” 

Nate, we all think you’re awesome. And we want to prove it to you. 

I asked everybody to choose their favorite color–that is why this is a whole rainbow of colors. Everybody is listed in alphabetical order because we are all YWS members, no matter what color we sport in the actual forums. 

Here is what we have to say:

Project Awesome

I know that there are some people here who come up with all these strange ways of naming characters. Sometimes they think, “ZOMG*, my character is a hunter, therefore I shall name him… Hunter! No wait… Orion! No wait…Kdjsaha!” And they just come up with these ridiculous names and it is slightly horrible. 

1) Too obvious. I mean, that would be like me saying, “The hairdresser’s name is… Hairdresser.” Come on peoples! 

2) Yeah… just beat me over the head with symbolism and watch my brain ooze out of my ears.

3) Please, do not bash your head on the keyboard. Writing is painful enough without that sort of physical abuse.

Of course, I, being a terrible writer, have a different, equally horrible way of naming characters. Instead of saying, “ZOMG, THAT NAME IS SO COOL!” I think, “What is the stupidest name I can think of?” For instance, in my main project right now, I have a character who is called Beth. Why? Because I think that name sounds stupid. I also think the name “Claude” sounds stupid. It’s waaaaay too French for even me. So usually I pick these really horrible names. The results? Well, I actually have to concentrate on developing the character, since their names are so stupid and lame that they can’t give anything away or distract the reader from the plot by being completely outlandish and weird.

Weird idea? Probably. But keep it in mind when you’re dealing with character names. 

 

* And ZOMG is totally a word. Really. It means, “Oh my God, I sound like a complete idiot!” if you want the actual translation of it.

If you’ve been listening to the news lately, then you’ve no doubt heard about a string of Supreme Court decisions that have proven to be somewhat controversial.  Of course, that’s how it always goes, but since the Supreme Court is in the news, it feels appropriate to go with a Justice theme for today’s post.

A couple of days ago, Lynlyn, a member of the Young Writers Society, sent me a New York Times article from 2002 about a rhyming justice.  That’s right, a rhyming justice.

From the case of Mr. Porreco vs. Ms. Porecco in Pennsylvania, Justice Eakin wrote:

A groom must expect matrimonial pandemonium
When his spouse finds he’s given her cubic zirconium.
Given their history and Pygmalion relation
I find her reliance was with justification.

Apparently Justice Eakin does this quite a bit.  From another case involving a woman with two dogs who sued a driver who ran over one of her dogs in which he wrote:

The car was coming much too close, something inside told her;
the next thing Mrs. Zangrando knew, a poodle flew over her shoulder.
To appellee this was nothing short of an unmitigated disaster;
the wingless Angel’d taken flight and ascended quickly past her.
In this brace of miniature poodles, neither one wide nor tall;
one may have been named Autumn,
but t’was Angel took the fall.

Oh, but it gets worse.  From a case in Michigan involving a car and an oak tree written by a different Justice:

We thought that we would never see
A suit to compensate a tree.
A bankruptcy judge in Florida:
Upon consideration of Section 707(b), loud I cried
The court’s sua sponte motion to dismiss under Section 707(b) is denied.

Can it get any worse?  Yes, yes it can.  From the bankruptcy case of In re Robin E Love, Debtor written by a Judge A. Jay Cristol:

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary
Over many quaint and curious files of chapter seven lore.
While I nodded nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door,
“Tis some debtor” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—
Only this and nothing more.”

Ah distinctly I recall, it was in the early fall
And the file still was small
The Code provided I could use it
If someone tried to substantially abuse it
No party asked that it be heard.
“Sua sponte” whispered a small black bird.

The bird himself, my only maven, strongly looked to be a raven.
Upon the words the bird had uttered I gazed at all the files cluttered
“Sua sponte,” I recall, had no meaning; none at all.
And the cluttered files sprawl, drove a thought into my brain.
Eagerly I wished the morrow—vainly I had sought to borrow
From BAFJA, surcease of sorrow—and an order quick and plain
That this case would not remain as a source of further pain.
The procedure, it seemed plain.

Judges, stick to your day job.

James Chartrand has a story up over at Copyblogger titled “Three Questions Your Copy Must Answer To Succeed.”  Needless to say, most of those who read this blog aren’t really interested in writing copy, at least not yet.  However, they are interested in writing stories that attract and hold readers’ interest.Producing good copy and producing a good short story really isn’t that different.  In both instances, you have to define your audience, figure out what to write, and write it in a compelling manner.  So what are the three questions your copy must answer to succeed?  According to Chartrand, they are:

1. Why do I really need this?
2. Why should I choose you?
3. Why should I decide now?

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 ”Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” – Mark Twain

Although Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn are two of my favorite books, Mark Twain isn’t one of my favorite authors.  Don’t get me wrong; he is by far one of the greatest American novelists.  However, his work is mostly hit or miss for me.  Tom Sawyer?  Awesome bo-possum.  A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court?  No comment.

However, Mark Twain is by far my favorite source of quotes.  In the lexicon of today, he is the 19th century version of John Stewart; a satirical humorist who won’t hesitate to skewer anyone who deserves it.  So hit the jump for Twainisms to lighten up your day:

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This week’s word is scissorfy.  As usual, make up a definition for it and post it in the comments.  Including it in a sentence is greatly appreciated, but not required.

Last week’s word was flummonade, and there were a lot of great definitions that people made up!  If you want a good laugh, read the comments.

But one definition has to win, and after much deliberation on the part of yours truly, that winner is Azila with:

flummonade (v.): to flounce about joyously, unaware of great danger and/or embarrassment you are causing for your self.

• Hubert flummonaded out of the barber’s shop, not noticing the bug-eyed stares pedestrians were awarding to the large clump of hair that the barber had accidentally died green

Next week, I’ll be posting all of the newly created words and a small contest (with a prize!) will be held; the person who uses the most new words in the correct way on sites other than YWS will win.  More details next week.

So what do you think are the most attractive book covers?  You can name how many you want (1, 100… doesn’t matter), and I’ll put together a list later this week based on the responses.

From http://www.etni.org.il/farside/analogies.htm:

The following originally appeared as winners of a
“Worst Analogies ever written in a High School Essay Contest”
in the Washington Post Style Invitational”

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. Joseph Romm, Washington

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. Russell Beland, Springfield

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. Roy Ashley, Washington

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

Read More:

http://www.etni.org.il/farside/analogies.htm

Try coming up with your own as well!