God Awful Metaphors

18 Jun

From http://www.etni.org.il/farside/analogies.htm:

The following originally appeared as winners of a
“Worst Analogies ever written in a High School Essay Contest”
in the Washington Post Style Invitational”

  • He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. Joseph Romm, Washington
  • She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station
  • The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. Russell Beland, Springfield
  • McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring
  • From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. Roy Ashley, Washington
  • Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

    • Read More:

    http://www.etni.org.il/farside/analogies.htm

    Try coming up with your own as well!

    8 Responses to “God Awful Metaphors”

    1. DX 18. Jun, 2008 at 9:43 pm #

      Hmm…let’s see…

      The apple was as red as an embaressed child who wet his pants, except redder, because you don’t get that red when that happens, just tinted. More like a tired child who just ran for a really long time.

    2. Saint Razorblade 18. Jun, 2008 at 10:49 pm #

      That last one… is full of win. xD

    3. smorgishborg 19. Jun, 2008 at 6:47 am #

      The raindrop splashed across the pavement with a strange and unique sound, not unlike the noise the previous raindrop had made.

    4. Cpt. Smurf 19. Jun, 2008 at 7:59 am #

      I love the McBride one – hehehe!

    5. Bittersweet 19. Jun, 2008 at 11:53 am #

      I just love that all of them are by boys (Holly being completely and totally not sexist). I like the bowling ball one, and the nose hair. Hee hee.

    6. Kylan 19. Jun, 2008 at 4:54 pm #

      Some of those aren’t half bad (re: hefty bag & jeopardy)

      -Kylan

    7. Sweeney_Todd 29. Jun, 2008 at 2:02 pm #

      oooh…So I’m *not* the only one who’s gotten that eerie feeling when Jeopardy comes on early in a different tome zone. Talk about giving you the willies…

    8. Kioneslayer 29. Jul, 2008 at 12:49 am #

      It’s darker then Egypt in a cardboard box on the fifth of june during a honey-flavored day

      …

      I actually had a friend that put that in her State Writing Test Essay in North Carolina. xD

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